Horror is not for me.
The books and movies of the genre, the grown up haunted houses, and the Halloween “decorations” featuring everyone’s favorite axe murderer. No, thank you. Or really, just: NO.
Once we roll into November, my younger daughter and I take note of every household that has taken down their spooky-gross yard displays and breathe a sigh of grateful relief.
I know we need to plumb the mysteries of the darkness and even honor the sacredness of fear, but I would tell you that I don’t want it packaged up in someone else’s commercialized gory nightmare fantasy. Ever.
The Movie You Never Knew You Never Wanted to See
This weekend, tired and deep in the ebb of energy that comes with a woman’s flow (a regular, natural event that popular culture frames as a kind of horror show), I found myself too weary to read, so I started movie hunting.
You know that strange slide that begins with half-remembering you wanted to see something and then finding it on the one streaming service you don’t subscribe to? That’s when you start following the algorithm’s recommendations, and things start to get weird. Welcome to modern life. I skipped and jumped until I think I fell down a Colin Farrell shaped rabbit hole.
Because Netflix told me to (now there’s a first line of a horror tale!) I started watching The Killing of a Sacred Deer. I had never heard of this film and I had no idea what I was in for, but how bad could it be? Nicole Kidman was in it, and she rarely leads us astray.
I studied a lot of drama, once upon a time, but I was inspired by a love of literature, not necessarily a love of theater. I had endured a lot of weird plays and was resigned to the fact that I would never be the type of person who actually enjoys or understands the modern stage. (I was raised on Guys and Dolls and My Fair Lady… I am no longer embarrassed to admit that it’s a rare play that works without singing and dancing.)
All of this is to say that I could immediately understand that the director Yorgos Lanthimos was going for something with the strange stilted dialogue that ran between the absurdly mundane and the insanely intimate. I could deal with the “oh, so this is ART” and vaguely remember what it was like to watch foreign films at the little cinema on Cape Cod with my mom when I was home in the summer during college. I could stop looking over at the Dwayne Johnson/Ryan Reynolds flick my husband was watching on his iPad and keep my eyes on my own bizarre “entertainment.”
I could. But that didn’t mean it was any fun at all.
When We Don’t Have the Luxury of Distance and Fantasy
Watching this movie reminded me of something important (besides remembering that “entertainment” doesn’t exist just to massage our pleasure points):
It’s a lot easier to watch horrible things happen if we can create distance between us and the story.
When we wrap the story in mythic elements, call in the costume department, and have everyone enact the drama on a windswept moor or a primeval forest, we can imagine the darkest parts of human nature lurk only in a faraway land in a near forgotten time.
As I watched Killing of a Sacred Deer, I realized that the story felt so much bigger and older than the contemporary setting and the actors’ muted delivery could comfortably hold.
That was the point, of course. Ratchet up the discomfort. Take away the distance that makes horrible things easier to bear. Set the story in Ohio in the lives of rich people and make us all wonder what’s happening under the exterior of “normal” modern life.
It Always Comes Back to an Ancient Myth
It turns out that The Killing of a Sacred Deer is inspired by the Greek story of Iphigenia, the daughter of Clytemnestra and Agamemnon. When Agamemnon killed one of the goddess Artemis’s beloved deer, she commanded him to sacrifice Iphigenia to settle the score with the gods.
If we could see this story enacted by beautiful people in robes and laurel wreaths against a panoramic Mediterranean with some cool boat scenes, it might barely touch us. We would have been swept up by the glorious disorientation caused by great gaps in space time. Our unfamiliarity with that world would have insulated us from the heinous story at the heart of such a film. One would walk out of that theater (or snap shut that iPad) feeling like they had seen something intense, but the inclusion of cool special effects and other “gods gone wild” stuff could distract us from the filicide at the center of the plot.
Instead, watching Colin Farrell and Nicole Kidman walk the corridors of a hospital in Cincinnati just made it all too claustrophobic and real - even though no one would ever speak like they do, even with the totally unexplained curse that sets the horror in motion.
The Horror Hiding Here, There, and Everywhere
On Sunday morning, I picked up Sean Kane’s Wisdom of the Mythtellers and tried to cleanse my brain of all the stark, maddening cruelty of a movie that many critics celebrated. As one reviewer said, “Like the Greek myth that inspired the film, it feels powerful enough to be timeless.”
Kane’s book offers a brilliant analysis of mythologies around the world. What I find most fascinating is his reminder that myths are not meant to be psychodrama but are, at their original core, a way of understanding nature, relationships in nature, and the human relationship with the unseen world.
Kane looks closely at stories of the Haida people of what we now call British Columbia, the aboriginal people of Australia, and the Celts. Due to the way the stories were preserved and passed and a host of other factors, the Celtic tales are the most ridden with human drama. With my modern brain and lack of indigenous consciousness, it’s no coincidence that theses are the stories that touch me most deeply.
I found myself in the midst of the story of Branwen from the Welsh epic, the Mabinogi. It’s the story of the young woman who is married to her brother Bran’s greatest rival, Matholwch. I may find myself telling this story on the KnotWork Podcast sometime, but I mention it today because of one scene of particularly horrific cruelty that includes the maiming of horses.
Ugh. It was hard to type that phrase. I want to edit it out and soften the blow. Somehow, it is even harder to think of someone deliberately taking a knife to a herd of animals than it is to mention a father sacrificing his daughter above.
Of course, this is the trick of storytelling… I am appalled by what I saw in that movie, I am disgusted by what I read in that ancient Welsh myth, and I am quite sanguine when it comes to poor Iphigenia’s death. You know why, of course: the storytellers in the first two instances gave the audience something to see or imagine.
The obituary style mention of the slain Greek girl is easy to handle because the mind can’t conjure something specific enough for the heart to contract.
Violence Chills Us When It Feels Too Close to Home
All of this has me thinking about the everyday nature of violence and cruelty. We know that death and abuse are part of the everyday - we see it in our movies and in headlines constantly. When against all odds, something truly terrible breaks through our jaded armor of distraction, it is doubly chilling.
We respond to the packaging of death more than to the idea of death itself. We can accept the destruction packed into a fantasy epic and flock to it as mere entertainment. But then, we feel devastated by violence that looks like it could happen in the neighborhood up the street.
And, of course, we see these varying octaves of reaction in the real world, too. And it has deadly, horrible consequences. When Black or indigenous women go missing, the mainstream media is largely silent. You need to follow a very specific Instagram account to know. When a white girl vanishes, you get four People magazine alerts a day. In a culture that puts whiteness at the center and declares white as “the norm,” anyone whose identity places them outside of that circle can be viewed with enough detachment as to be immediately dismissed and forgotten.
(We can change this, you know. We all can amplify the voices of those who aren’t included in the popular narrative, and we might even save lives. Learn more about the Sovereign Bodies Institute.)
As Students and Weavers of Story, We Are Called to Bear Witness to the Most Challenging Narratives
I’m a creative who is heeding the call to work with ancient stories and bring them into the modern conversation. (That’s the mission of the upcoming KnotWork Podcast!)
Standing at the intersection of the remotest human history and this contemporary moment when we’re trying to make sense of a relentless stream of information, I must decide what stories and elements I will bring to life. How will I bear witness, shape, and share stories that are often full of such terrible things, like killing children and torturing animals?
Do I stick close to that declaration, “Horror is not for me”? Sharing only the “lovely” bits of mythology is disingenuous (and would make for a very short podcast season).
So then, how deep can I and should I go? For my own self preservation, for the sake of wanting to bring more beauty and wonder into the world, for the sake of those who might be triggered by the old stories that have all of the murder, rape, and inhumanity that shadow life today?
I am wise enough to know that this task of discernment will always be the hardest part of this project.
The Public Storyteller’s Sacred Task: Be Clear on the WHY of a Story’s Telling
As I watched The Killing of a Sacred Deer all I could ask myself was “why.”
Why on earth would someone make such a movie? Why would people who seem rather lovely (Kidman as well Farrell, who said he was “fucking depressed” after the making of the film) star in it? Why would anyone but the creepiest of creeps willingly watch it? Why would the snootiest film people purport to like it?
I kept watching even though I could barely stand the inner screaming, “why are you still sitting through this???”
And here I am, days later, now quite sure of why.
It wasn’t just because I needed to satisfy my curiosity and know if he went through with it. It wasn’t just because I was trying to prove to the unseen critics that I too could watch something other than The Eternals and Jungle Cruise (both of which I also saw this weekend and rather enjoyed, by the way).
It was because the movie asked questions we need to wrestle with, with the darkness we would prefer not to face. The specifics of the movie were awful in the moment and in memory, and could never be replicated in “real” life. But, the spectre of that which we do not want to face, the senseless cruelties that do still mark modern life? That is all terribly real.
Stories exist to help us explore, consider, and respond.
Stories shape our minds and then enable us to reshape our realities.
Stories cannot erase the very real violence of the past and the present, but they just might help us rewrite a future based on a more nuanced, sophisticated understanding of WHY.