What Story Is Mine to Tell Right Now?

Whenever I find myself spinning in circles and I have the urge to write,  I ask myself:

What story is mine to tell right now?

This is the essential question, whether my mind happens to be looping with anxiety or leaping with inspiration. 

(Have you noticed how they both tend to buzz at the same frequency? The nerves of worry and the nerviness of creativity are easily confused. When I ask this question, there’s a better chance of moving toward healing and productive cross pollination. That’s when the words finally start to flow.)

So Much To Say, So Hard to Find the Words

From my experience, “what story is mine to tell right now?” is the only place to begin when you feel the pressure to put words on the page and feel wordless at the very same time.

Here’s something we tend to forget when we’re overwhelmed and there is so much to say, either because the brain is swirling too fast with worry or soaring with new ideas: we writers can only set down one word at a time. 

“One word at a time” is the blessed miracle and the maddening flaw of language. 

We are forced to condense the immense and the ineffable into clusters of letters, limiting it all down to discrete, interconnected units of ideas. With time and focus, we spool a narrative. We can throw ourselves wide open to the expanse of sentences, stanzas, and stories. 

Here’s what might happen when you dare to ask, “what story is mine to tell right now?”

When I ask myself this question, I am almost always surprised. 

Sometimes, I need my journal and quiet hour. I must fill the page with rhetorical questions, nonsense sentences, and magnificent, revelatory errors of all kinds.

(When I wrote into this prompt yesterday, I definitely scrawled “when I know when I must right…” Cringe! But look what was revealed in that misspelling! Oh, my obsession with being correct, even on the uncensored pages of my own little green book)

Sometimes, the words take me to fairy glens and eighteenth century drawing rooms.

(Ok, so the novel got stalled in the transition between the endless 18-month summer and the uncertain fall, but there’s a book brewing, and it’s the story I was born to tell. When I give myself the freedom to describe a sacred well made of starlight and sphagnum moss or invent a whispered conversation between the countess and the peddler down the lane, I trust that I am making magic. You transform the very fabric of the world when you conjure and describe you own visions, stitch by stitch and word by word.)

Sometimes, the words come out seeking their place in the marketplace, issuing invitations to come play. 

(I’ll be the first to say that the “real writer” in me rolls her eyes at this naked display of capitalism, but then I remember that we live in a both/and universe. As the Irish poet Rita Ann Higgins says, “poetry doesn’t pay,” but the mortgage still comes due. And so, I ask my words, as they emerge one letter at time, to call in the writers, the healers, the dreamers, and the sovereignty seekers who will hear my song and use these ideas to add to their own. So, next time you see my images on Instagram, do read the captions, too. They’re lovingly crafted by a writer trusting the story that wants to be told.)

Sometimes the story is a text to a friend. Sometimes it’s an email to my grandpa. Sometimes it’s a note I stick in the lunch box in case second grade feels hard today. 

And sometimes the story that is mine to tell must be silently pounded into the pavement or held by the trunk of a beloved tree. Sometimes the story that is yours to tell is not yet speech ripe and will not come no matter how fine the pen, how quiet the room, how inspirational the view.

Trust the story. Trust the moment. Trust yourself.

The words will come in their own time, as they always do: one at a time, in a jumble or a flow. They will carry you onward to the story you must tell.

“What story is mine to tell right now?” is just one of many questions I pose to the dreamers, healers, and seekers who long to build a writing practice and birth their stories into the world.

In the Sovereign Writers’ Knot, the newest incarnation of my online writing community, you can find the the space, time, and company that will help you bring your words into the world.

We are welcoming new members through September 29. Learn more and apply now.

What It Takes To Put Your Healing Work Into Words

There’s a part of what you do that’s beyond, beneath, and before the bounds of language.

As a healer, you know that the color, the sensation, the texture of an emotion carries meaning that the English language often can’t begin to touch.

If you’re a coach, you know your clients’ success doesn't just depend on a clear to-do list. Instead, results flow out of that combination of energy, attention, and devotion that runs deeper than even the most comprehensive, well-articulated plan.

And, if you’re a therapist whose work is based on talking through thoughts and problems, you know there’s something you do that transcends words. As you hold space in the silences between thoughts you create the invisible bonds of relationship that allows the healing to happen.

Your work transcends words, and yet is bound by words

The transformational work you do often feels impossible to describe. It has to be experienced to truly be understood.

I get that, I do. I have walked beside hundreds of transformation professionals - healers, therapists, coaches, and spiritual teachers - and there’s almost always a moment when language can’t quite express the magic you access or the ways you serve and touch the people who need what you do.

And yet...

If you have the power to change lives, you have the power to say how

So, how do we do that?

We tell stories 

Storytelling is, in itself, a magical act. 

When you tell a story, you’re taking the raw materials of your experiences, struggles, and worries and turning them into narratives that speak truth and spread wisdom. 

That’s a powerful transformation. That’s alchemy. 

And, from experience, I can tell you that turning your pain into healing stories is more valuable (and reliable) than turning lead into gold.

Join the Alchemy of Story:
A free training for transformation professionals
September 21, 2020 at 7 PM ET

Stories matter to me because I am a lover of myth and fiction. 

Stories also matter to me because I have been helping healers, therapists, and coaches promote their businesses for over a decade.

Copywriting and marketing strategy are important, but nothing is as enduring and meaningful as the stories you tell and the bigger story at the heart of your work.

Let’s explore your stories and talk about what makes a story work in the next free training I’m offering, The Alchemy of Story.

During our 90 minutes together you’ll have a chance to uncover the stories you most need to tell and learn what makes a story of transformation work.

The Alchemy of Story: Write to Heal Yourself and Your Reader

I don’t teach writing. I teach alchemy.

I don’t coach writers. I coach transformation professionals ready to make magic with their words.

Part of me rolls my eyes at what sounds like a bit of hubris and exaggeration from a writer who has taken the thesaurus too far.  

But there’s a wiser part of me that waves her wand and smiles. It’s ok to make such wild claims when they’re true. The Word Witch in me remembers that I have seen this alchemical transformation happen more often than I can count. 

What if Alchemy Isn’t Just for Fantasy Novels?

The ancient alchemists were devoted to changing base metals into gold. 

Those magician-philosopher-scientists were also interested in the transformation of the self. They were on a quest to liberate the human ego and open themselves to the limitless potential of the enlightened soul.

Since a well-written book or article that speaks to the dreams and fears of a reader can translate into new business, writing can surely be considered an alchemical act that turns passion into livelihood. Good work becomes gold. 

And, since the people I work with are in the business of healing the mind, body, and spirit, that sacred spiritual alchemy is always part of the mix, too. Words are medicine for the soul.

Creative Alchemy & the Magic of the Self-Focused First Draft

When we work on a piece of writing, we’re also performing an act of creative alchemy. 

In its simplest form, “creative alchemy” describes the movement from inspiration to manifestation. You turn a jumbled collection of ideas into a flowing, finished story. This is what you might think of when you move from what Anne Lamott calls the “shitty first draft” to a piece that you’re proud enough to publish.

I frame it differently for my Sovereign Writers. Rather than using a term that speaks to the quality of the writing, we think about the kind of feelings that get poured onto the page. We talk about the “self-focused first draft.”

The self-focused first draft describes that welter of words the writer puts on paper for herself. This draft includes your personal details, digressions, backstory, and burdens. You’d never want to publish the majority of it, but it needs to be put on the page. Think of this like the buried foundations of a house: they’ll never see the light of day, but they are utterly essential to the strength and endurance of the structure.

It’s not to say that quality isn’t important - the writing coach in me always wants to help writers make their way to clear, elegant prose. But I always want my clients to remember: when you’re in the business of transformation, “good copy” is useless if it lacks your own signature transformative magic. You might write a series of perfectly crafted sentences, but if they don’t come from the heart and soul, it’s just noise.

The Self-Focused First Draft Is More Than Just a Journal Entry

Wait, first take the “just” away. Journaling is an art unto itself and it’s vital to our becoming. We’re talking about a slightly different practice here, however.

When you’re sitting down to produce a self-focused first draft, you’re not there to unload your brain or make a written confession.

When you sit down to pen a self-focused first draft, you come with clear intention.

You’re devoted to that alchemical work of transformation. You’re on a mission to take the raw materials of your experience, including the frustration and the pain, and make some sort of lasting change. Once these raw sentences do their work—the transformative magic that heals you, the writer—then it just might be time to polish things up and press publish.

In fact, for the Sovereign writer who also happens to be a transformation professional—a healer, a therapist, a teacher, a coach—that next step into using your words becomes almost inevitable. 

You write to heal yourself and you write to heal your reader. These two goals weave round one another and inspire you to go deeper for yourself and for the people you serve.

In the midst of all the extraneous details and detours of your private story, you’ll find a whole lot of universal truth. The lessons you’ve learned. The strength you’ve gathered. The reasons you do the work that you do.

If you’re doing any public writing at all as an entrepreneur or private practice owner, this is what you want to express to your readers. This is part of the gold.

The Self-Focused First Draft Is the Foundation of Your Sovereign Story

Amidst the tangle of “small s” stories that catalog our hurts and fears and failures, there are the Sovereign Stories, the stories you must tell. 

Your Sovereign Story emerges when your own preoccupations and passions intersect with the needs and interests of your readers. And every Sovereign Story begins with a self-focused first draft.

Not every Sovereign Story is a magnum opus. You have countless stories like this within you. Your Sovereign Story does its job when it brings a smile to someone’s lips, helps them see they are not alone, or casts new light on a problem so they understand that there is a solution on the other side. 

What is a Sovereign Story?

A Sovereign Story is your truth and you share it to reveal the truth within your readers.

A Sovereign Story conveys a truth and makes a connection with a narrative that only you could weave.

A Sovereign Story is the core narrative that integrates the essential parts of who you really are. 

A Sovereign Story communicates your mission and message to people who want to work with you and grow with you. 

A Sovereign Story is a declaration of what matters to you. To tell one is a brave and beautiful act.

You Never Know What Form a Sovereign Story Might Take

I teach the structure of story and help people uncover and craft their stories in my class, Stand In Your Sovereign Story. There, we talk about website copy, blog posts, and how to be authentic (or, you might say, “how to stay gold”) on social media.

This Sovereign Storytelling work is about so much more than smart, well-constructed marketing copy though.

These days, Sovereign Stories are emerging as poems, too.

A few weeks ago I had a chance to do a 1:1 coaching session with a member of my Sovereign Writers Circle named Dawn. Each Wednesday, our online community gathers for writing practice. We do the kind of “alchemical” writing that is intended to support the work of transformation.

One writing prompt asked the circle to really examine and answer the question “how are you?” Dawn’s response came out in the form of a poem. Her self-focused first draft was from the heart and spoke to what it meant to watch her life and livelihood change due to Covid. She was fine and not fine.

The poem was honest, but that first version only kissed the surface of all Dawn had to explore and say. Shortly afterwards she brought the poem to one of our group coaching calls where we reflected what we heard and offered the sort of gentle, conscious workshopping that makes our community so special. Then, two of us revisited it in our session together. A few weeks later, she brought the piece back to the group during another SWC coaching call.

I think there was a part of Dawn that simply couldn’t believe she was still working on that collection of stanzas. The wiser part of her—the Word Witch within—who had grown accustomed to the alchemy (and the time) that’s involved in telling a Sovereign Story was there for the ride, showing up to question, to wonder, to craft and re-craft.

Dawn has been learning from herself and from her own process, seeing the depths that were held inside the common words, choosing new images that got her closer to the story she needed to unfurl, the Sovereign Story she longed to tell.

It has been an honor to hold this process and have a front row seat for the entire transformation.

Dawn is still working on her poem, asking what more it has to reveal and who most needs to hear it. She’s making choices about which elements to emphasize and all of this is helping her decide where she’ll submit this labor of love. I do hope it will be published someplace. People need to read it. I trust that she’s already experienced the alchemy, however, and her healer-poet’s pockets are already lined in gold.

 You understand that transformation professionals are writing because we want to heal ourselves first and then we want to share our stories to support others in their healing.  We want to touch the heart and soul to make a difference in the world.  It is about the process/journey,  not about performance or notoriety.  The magic and medicine you offer is the encouragement, support and challenge to venture into  new areas with our writing so we can confidently and skillfully express and communicate our work out in the world.

• Dawn Goforth-Kelly, Writer & Reiki Master

What about you? Are you an alchemist seeking the space and the support to uncover and develop your own Sovereign Stories? If you want to learn the art and practice of storytelling in order to build your world-renewing business, consider joining us for the Stand In Your Sovereign Story Program that starts on September 30.

Are you trying to build a writing practice in support of your professional practice or to get a big project into the world? We’re welcoming new members to the Sovereign Writers Circle through September 1.

Would a #365project give you what you need in 2016?

Why I kept one #365project promise, broke another, and will make a new one in 2016

When you sign yourself up to make something every day for an entire year, you’re making a fabulous commitment to your creativity.

And when you decide to post about it every day on social media, you’re stepping up and saying “I’m ready to be seen” in a big way.

As both a #365project success story and a #365project drop out, I know plenty about what it takes to make it work and why it might not.

And I know what makes a project fulfilling and worthwhile… all year long.

First, ask yourself what kind of content you would want to share every day

Brené Brown makes it easy to decide what subjects to post about and talk about:

“I share what is vulnerable, not what is intimate.”

And how does our Daring Greatly/ Rising Strong sage recommend you make the distinction between the two?

Brené makes sure that she has fully explored everything before she brings it to the public arena. Her ability to heal and remain “wholehearted” does not depend on how her audience reacts to what she shares.

When I heard her describe this during a recent interview, it hit home because I’d learned this distinction myself - the hard way.  

I’m deeply grateful for one successful #365project and one abandoned attempt the following year. They taught me what it really means to share my story, create media, and be seen. And they taught me how to distinguish between intimate and vulnerable.

A #365project helps you find meaning in your own story

In 2014, I participated in the #365feministselfie project.

I cataloged the last month of pregnancy, the wonder of new motherhood, and lots of mundane moments throughout that year. Some of the Instagram shots were raw, some were posed pics to help bolster a bleary-eyed mama’s self esteem. All of them were me.

This daily practice helped me cope with the  isolation of being a work-at-home mom with an infant in the midst of the Polar Vortex winter. It was my chance to discover my own narrative thread when it was all too easy to lose myself.

I didn’t have the free hands to write, but I could snap a pic and use my thumbs to draft a quick caption that gave the moment some context in my bigger story.

A #365project that didn’t work

Giddy with the triumph of devoting a year to someone else’s project, I was excited to start my own project in 2015.

Boldly, I called it #365SovereignReality. The goal was to publicly explore my evolving “concept” that made so much sense inside my own head, but hadn’t made it into easy-to-tell story form.

It didn’t last for lots of reasons. The pressure to make an important discovery about my life’s work every day and post it online was too daunting. It took almost no creative energy to snap and post a selfie. My ill-defined sovereignty project demanded more creative energy than I had to give.

Intimate moments need to stay that way

My own pet project failed for another key reason - my kids.

Now that I had permission to take the camera off myself, it seemed logical to turn it on my constant companions. My little muses had been in plenty of the selfies with me, so it didn’t seem like a problem.

Truthfully, I’d always ignored the little voice that said “don’t start creating your kids’ digital footprint without their consent.” But somehow, when I was always in the frame with them, I could give it a pass. I told myself that my protective maternal gaze warded off predators and voyeurs.

But now that I was casting them in leading roles in my #365SovereignReality, it didn’t seem right. Without their mama in the frame to keep them safe, it didn’t seem authentic - it seemed like I was exposing them to stranger danger.

A new #365project that hits all the right notes

So, what are the ingredients of a sustainable #365project?

• It has a set form. You don’t have to expend extra creative energy figuring out the focus.
• It’s related to your professional or creative work.
• It’s about visibility, not ego.
• It’s a practice that helps you grow - not just another “should” or obligation.

Introducing #365StrongStories

Every day in 2016 I am going to write a story.

It will be less than 200 words. Sometimes, it may not look like much more than a metaphor. There will be days when I’m sharing someone else’s story and using a quote. Each story will be accompanied by a picture, so you'll find it on Instagram and Facebook and all the usual social spots.

It feels a little crazy to sign myself up for something so ambitious. After all, taking a picture is easy compared to promising to write an actual story every day. But I’m dedicating my professional life to helping people tell stories that matter… and I need to walk the talk about how it really can be easy.

My 2016 #365project why…

• I am a storyteller, but I want to get better
• I want to be a more concise, efficient writer
• I’ve been in retreat for a while and it’s time to be seen online again
• #365StrongStories is aligned with my work. In a week or two, I am launching an offer called 5 Strong Stories that helps emerging thought leaders write content that connects.

Would a #365project give you what you need in 2016?

Saundra Goldman, who created a brilliant community around her #continuouspractice project posted her reflections on 2015 and her plans for 2016. Check out her post for ideas for creating your own project and why it's totally valid to make a much shorter commitment than 365 days.

And I'm grateful to Saundra for another idea - who will you dedicate your practice to?

I am dedicating #365StrongStories to you, my dear reader. I am going to tell the stories that I must tell, but only because I think they are the stories that you must hear.

How to balance “I must publish” and “I need to find a story that matters“

Sovereign Standard, Issue 40

The greatest epiphanies are just clichés - until they’re true

“You’ve had it in you all along” is one of those mundane epiphanies tossed about by countless gurus and charlatans, true healers and glitzy motivational speakers. And yet, the day you truly come to know this as your truth, it’s like the sunset, moonrise, and northern lights all fill the sky at once.

For years, I’ve been living out loud on the internet. Perhaps you’ve been like me - trying (and generally failing) to be an easy, breezy online writer. I refused to dumb down my message, but I also avoided a avoiding the hardest questions and denied the most personal answers.

Basically, I was so intent on saying something that I would rarely let myself slow down, look within, learn more, and ensure I was saying something that really mattered to me.

You’ve heard the old marketing adage “you aim to appeal to everyone and you appeal to no one”?

When you don’t feel free to tell the stories that are really important to you as a writer, you’re never going to tell stories that are important to the reader.

What it means to put the inner story first

At last , I’m committing to prioritizing my interior process over the public conversation.

That means I'm committing to diving deeper, thinking longer, allowing ideas to germinate before I push myself to publish.

This isn’t a prescription for permanent radio silence. Heck, I'm blogging about my decision to putting the inner work before the public exploration of what I’ve learned!

The goal is not to become an all-analog hermit. Instead, it means I’m placing my creative emphasis on knowing a story at its intimate core before I bring it to an audience.

It means I ask myself questions that matter to me before I try to tell you why any of it might matter to you.

I’m exhausted by the pace of a digital world that puts action over contemplation. It feels good to play with phrases like:

Perspective before performance.

Introspection before exhibition.

Dive deep before ”share this!”

Finding the balance between finding the inner story and publishing it

As a writer who depends on building online community to build my business, deep dives into “what stories must I tell?” will cool my self-imposed “gotta publish at all costs!” madness.

But I know that the “explore the inner story” and “publish something now” is balancing act that puts other people on the opposite side of the teeter totter.  (Thanks to my brave compatriots in the Quest 2016 community - see below.)

You might be a writer who loves to let a good idea simmer. It would be wonderful if my frantic "must create content!" experience makes you feel more secure in your slower-to-publish approach.  

Many frantic writers wish they had your sense of trust and composure. Hopefully, you see that your ability to contemplate and craft your thoughts is a rare gift in this “get it out there” environment.

But, maybe you’re more of the “perfection = paralysis” kind of writer. You tend to over-think your work and start cleaning the bathtub with a toothbrush to avoid committing to a regular blogging schedule. I’d love my push to publish energy to rub off on you a bit.

It's good enough. Get it out there.

I know my 2015 commitment to the very-nearly-weekly Sovereign Standard is going to have a perpetual payoff, both personally and professionally. Even if I put the "real" story on the back burner while I tried to put out simpler messages intended to please the crowd.

Find the balance between the inner exploration and the greater conversation

Ultimately, if you're someone who wants to build a business through "content marketing" (telling stories and sharing your wisdom to entice new clients and delight your current community) or if you're a creative who must put ideas on the page, it's about striking a balance.

You need the inner exploration and you'll thrive when part a greater conversation.

If you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the stories still welling up inside me. But I promise I'll come back with ideas that will help you tell yours. Subscribe to my weekly Sovereign Standard newsletter - please?

*****

This post was initially inspired by Prompt #1 in Tracking Wonder's Quest 2016. The mastermind of this project, Jeffrey Davis, has called together 12 visionaries to help you create your best 12 months. It was a powerful way to begin my 2015 and I'm eager for this year's experience.

In particular, I was responding to Susan Piver who asked us to consider "What I most need to tell myself about 2016 is…"

Find more about Susan, the Quest, the business artist pledge, and how to join (it's totally free).